Weigh In Wednesday - Week 8

I didn't have high hopes for this Weigh In Wednesday. Like I said on Monday, Easter blew my diet and it doesn't help that the Spring Challenge is having the opposite effect on my weight loss than I anticipated. I'm stressed out about not doing well enough that any time I screw up I get really depressed and start eating like shit. It's the worst thing I could do to myself for weight loss, and yet I keep doing it day after day.

So, that's why I didn't think I'd lose any weight from last week when I held steady at -6.2 total lbs.

Week 1: Starting weigh in

Week 2: -.6

Week 3: -3.4

Week 4: -1.0

Week 5: +1.2

Week 6: -1.2

Week 7: 0

Week 8: +1.4

Total lost = 4.8
It's okay. I'll do better next week. I'm going to work REALLY hard. I promise.


Now, a rant about my week.It's been rough. I'm feeling like my master's degree and passing the CPA exam (won't be a CPA until my year of supervision is done) were worth nothing to this company. I'm stuck on the same level in the same job as people with a bachelor's degree.... but I still need the same 3 years of "experience" to get a promotion. Basically until I want to be a controller, my CPA is unnecessary. It's very disheartening, but to make it worse I'm in the ONE department I knew from the get go I didn't want to be in. I'm an audit major for a reason. I don't enjoy tax. Tax makes my head hurt. I'm not naturally good at tax, and even when I'm putting everything I have into it I'm slow and barely at par. Now I'm going to be here for an extra 2 months. I thought I was 2 months away from leaving this department, now I'm only halfway through my stint. 8 months. 8 months in hell where the qualifications are made up and the degrees don't matter......

See what I did there? ha. I need to be more positive or I'm never going to get through this. It's just hard not to want to crawl under my desk and hide from the world. I hate everything, and when I don't I have a hard time feeling anything. I fake smile and interact with people. I try to act like a normal person. I think I get it right, but it takes a lot out of me and there  seems to be no end in sight. I just need an end in sight.

Food and Work

I think I'm going to dip into my weekly Points+ allowance and have Cane's Chicken for lunch. I can be really careful and not touch them, but I think I want to enjoy it a little more than I would being extra careful. I've only had 2 points+ today (I usually have 5 but my recent stomach flu and antibiotics has made me fairly intolerant to milk products, so I can't have my cream cheese english muffin) so if I eat 20 points+ for lunch I could still have 11 for dinner. That's a serving of cheeseburger casserole and a weight watchers ice cream. Not bad. That's for a three finger box at Cane's, water, no extra sauce. (there is some discussion if that's the right points, some go as high as 28 but this seems to have all the right components). But, I really want a pop, and some ketchup, and an extra thing of Cane's. Soooo, that would bring it up to about 28, leaving only 3 for dinner. But I can dip into my weekly and still have about 20 points+ left in my weekly for the weekend. So, I think I'll do that. 

About work.

I work at an oil and gas company. I'm a new accountant (graduated with my masters in December) and all new accountants go through a rotational program where we rotate through the different accounting departments. We are like glorified interns for about a year, year and a half. Currently I'm in tax. I don't like tax. I don't want to be negative about it, all the people are SUUUUUPER nice, but, I love the other side of the equation. The doing journal entries, income statements, etc. I've always felt like tax is just over my head. One of those things I can learn, but it never just clicks. Even when I was in school I had to relate it back to the original journal entries to figure out what was going on. Here..... it's worse. The original journal entries don't make sense, or they don't do it quite "by the book" or there's some consolidation reason that it's in these weird accounts. I sort of hate it. I spent all afternoon yesterday and a couple hours this morning trying to figure out the corrections my boss sent me. I finally understood them (after having him come in and explain, then leave and email me a different explanation) and went to do the NEXT one, and it should match. Different numbers but same concept. Nope. It didn't balance. And every time I checked my work thinking I'd put something on the wrong line for adjustments I came up with the same answer. I HATE when I know I'm wrong but I can't even find my own mistake. I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but handing my boss a packet and knowing it's wrong is just not a good feeling. (for the record, I did tell him it was wrong and I couldn't find it.  Like I said, I'm like an intern. Not to be trusted, so he checks everything and sends back corrections)

My depression is also hard to keep at bay in this rotation. There are a couple different parts of tax and I keep getting shuffled to a new one after about a month. My one and only ally quit and now I keep working with actual managers, not accountant 2's. It's intimidating and I always feel like I'm wasting their time. Then about the time I start to feel like I've got this particular part, I get moved to another one. This is really hard for me. I don't do well with new people, I'm shy and awkward. I act fine at work, but it really stresses me out figuring out how to work with new people. Does this boss want me to struggle for hours before asking a question (I actually had a boss like that once), does this one like complete work sent to them even if it's wrong, or would they rather help you every 5 seconds? I obsess about these things, probably longer than I should, and it makes getting used to new people really hard. 

Okay, enough complaining. I'm hungry and I have to wait another hour before I can eat.