Successful Blog?

I want to make a successful blog...without ever posting to it.
Okay, that's not strictly true. I think I have too many dreams. I want to ride horses all day, make a million dollars, sell things on etsy, and run a blog. Oh, and live out in the country raising chickens and ducks.
Totally doable right?

Whatever. Weight Watchers didn't work for me. I mean, it worked, but it was expensive and difficult for me to stick to. I'm going back to counting calories. I realized I put waaaay too much into counting calories. Got a fitbit, tried to integrate it into myfitnesspal and there were too many steps. Maybe it made my calorie counting more precise, but does it matter if I won't do it? Nope. So, no fitbit, just myfitnesspal. Counting calories. 1500/day. (will go down to 1200 slowly, that's what I was at 2 years ago and lost 20lbs...before I gained 60)
On day three. Monday went great. Tuesday I had to go to the store, but I actually did really well and only bought feta cheese to go with my salads as a "cheat" (I freaking love feta cheese and I learned a long time ago I have to buy something which doesn't help my wallet, but if I don't have anything to look forward to when I get home I'll buy donuts or chocolate. I just will. So, I buy something small. Sometimes it's not even food. Just a distraction. New color of nail polish. Gum. Something for the dogs. Anything I can look forward to and stop obsessing over food. To bring this aside full circle, feta cheese on a salad is just as good to me as chocolate. I can focus on that and not the reeses staring at me at the checkout line)
Now I'm on day three. Forgot to bring my salad for lunch, but I'll eat it for dinner (I spend stupid amounts of money on premade salads, but I won't make them myself apparently).
Still eating WAAAAAAY too much sugar (in the form of pop....oops) BUT one step at a time. I can't quit everything at the same time. That's not sustainable for me. For now, as long as I'm under my calories and working out 3 days a week (moving up to 5 next week) I'm calling it good. I can get healthier as I get my portions and general mental health under control.

Ha, perfect segue. My mental health has been iffy at best. I'm depressed and anxious. Changing jobs isn't helping, but hopefully in general the new job is better for me. We'll see I guess. Right now I need to start yoga to try and destress (I don't want to increase my meds at this point. I've got the panic attacks coupled with sitting on the floor crying regularly under control. Just....not everything. Hopefully some lifestyle changes will help)

The thing that sucks is that the gyms around here don't offer yoga in the morning (rise and shine yoga is amazing for me) and the yoga studios (omg, rooftop yoga is a thing here.) don't have showers. My new work doesn't have a gym so there are no showers. sooooo, I'm a little stuck. But working on it.

I don't like journaling - short

Not sure why I keep doing it, I messed up the first week so I won't get the point for journaling anyways. But, here you go. Life sucks, but it also doesn't. I bought a car and I love it. No stress there, but I'm still depressed. I ate HORRIBLY (like, 5 donuts horribly) for two weeks for no other reason than we didn't cook and I kept eating out. I just couldn't get my life on track. I'm back on it, but I'm not weighing in this week. I don't need to know that I gained every bit I lost back.

CarMax - Thoughts

I want to write about my experience with CarMax because I got a lot of mixed reviews.

First, I started at a dealer. I figured out exactly what car I wanted (I was pretty sure, Honda Fit all the way!) and knew I wanted navigation. I could get a brand new Honda Fit Sport, no navigation for about $17,000 at both dealers. One had a gray car, one had a red car, both waiting to be sold to make room for the 2015 models coming out soon (btw, they skipped 2014, so 2013 was still the new car until 2015 comes out).

I talked some to both dealers, wasn't ready to pull the trigger. I was hoping to wait for a used with navigation, but I was starting to lean toward just getting a new one with zero miles to save me heartache in the long run. I would be the ONLY owner and if something fucked up, it would be my fault (or a defect) and it would be under warranty. I was still looking around, and needed to get my current car appraised. I looked up the value online several places, knew my car in the condition it was in was worth about $2000 to a dealer, $3500 to a private sale. I was willing to let it go for $2000 ONLY, and was hoping for something more. I was expecting to be utterly lowballed (remember, CarMax will A. buy your car even if you don't buy from them and B. has no haggle pricing. they can't up my price for my new car to make up for a good price on the trade in)

CarMax offered me $2500 and a certificate for 7 days that it would be valid for. I could go get it appraised elsewhere and come back. I'd also looked on their website and found an orange, 2011 Honda Fit with Navigation. I had to have it. It was one state over. I talked to my salesperson about it, and he said because it was only one state over they could ship it here for free. So they did. No fee, no contract, no obligation to buy and I still had my trade in certificate. Only problem? It would take 7-10 days. What happens to my trade in value? As long as nothing changes, they'll reappraise it and give me the same price. Yeah right. I was totally expecting them to try and knock $500 off because they knew they had me with the other car (except I already knew I would laugh at them and leave to never come back if they tried)

My new car comes in, we get my car appraised again (I'm totally in love while we're test driving) and get the price back.... Gave me the exact same value, and a new certificate. I was impressed to say the least. Made an appointment for the next day to come back and make everything official. I also purchased MaxCare, their warranty. I almost didn't, but decided that for a 5 year 75,000 mile warranty it was actually a good price (I won't say great) and gave me some peace of mind that if the AC shit out (like mine did a few months ago) that I wouldn't be out $1200. And if it never did, well, that's how insurance works. I never felt pressured by my salesperson, he switched my MaxCare around and showed me all the prices in a nice little matrix so I could pick what I wanted.

Now, on to financing. I'd heard that used car dealers really make their money on the interest for their loans. That may be true, but my freaking bank would barely give me a loan. Applied by myself, got $6,000 and a 5% interest rate. Cosigned with my mom (perfect credit, has purchased and paid off multiple cars, owns a home, between the two of us we make over $100,000 a year) wouldn't even cover the $17,000 I was asking for. Counter offered with 3.65% and $13,000. And we thought that must be as good as it would get, my mom was going to pay the difference as a downpayment. I was livid! I bank with these people, I give them my business. I understand that I myself may be a risk (I look WAAAAAAY over leveraged, but it's a numbers thing and school debt. I'm fine) but my mom has perfect credit and could walk into any bank where she is and get a $100,000 loan if she wanted. On a whim, I put in a cosign application at CarMax. Can't get any worse can it? (I didn't really want to keep hitting my credit report with requests, but fuck, I wanted to know!)

You wanna know?

Financed the whole thing (about $16000 with my downpayment, but adding back tax, fees, and MaxCare) for a 1.95% APR and don't even need income verification because her credit is so good! Are you SHITTING ME.
If CarMax is making money gouging interest rates (like I've read elsewhere) then I don't even care. I'm paying them almost HALF the interest rate and a lower monthly payment because of it.

My salesguy basically said my bank must have unusually stringent policies because we got a great rate.
Oh, and the best part? I was approved in 5 minutes. I started the bank process Friday afternoon. Got a call late Monday with my crappy counteroffer (the original) got my mom on the phone and applied again (on Monday) got a call yesterday (Wednesday) around 11 am with that new, also crappy counteroffer. Accepted it (tentatively, obviously) and she didn't have if they needed any paperwork so she had to send off AGAIN to their underwriters that I accepted and WAIT for them to get back to me before she could set a closing date. To her credit, she is VERY nice and helpful and understanding, but I don't even care at this point. I still haven't heard back from them about the paperwork (I'm calling her as soon as she's in this morning around 9 to tell her not to worry about it). Again, CarMax took 5 minutes. I'm trying to get my mom up here, make plans, buy a goddamn car and they take over a day each time to call me back. AND WITH A SHIT INTEREST RATE AND NOT GIVING US ALL THE MONEY WE REQUESTED. (okay, that sounds bad. I requested $17,000 for a $16,998 car)
Fuck my bank.



Tl;Dr - Love CarMax


Also, I love my Honda Fit and will probably post a review soon. It's zippy around town, but doesn't get  to speed as satisfyingly fast as my 6 cylinder.

.....FINANCING A CAR SUCKS

So, I tried to finance my new car through my current bank.

They counter offered me $6,350. Nowhere NEAR what I need for this car, but that was their MAX loan. I wanted to cry. No, scratch that, I did cry. My debt to income DOES look bad, so it's not like I don't understand, but $20,000 in school loans, plus $1200 on a credit card (I keep paying it off, then keep adding back to it, it's still interest free so, yeah) does make me look like I'm like, 90% leveraged. But, I make good money. I know exactly what I can pay per month.

Apparently, they think I can only pay $119 a month. I budgeted $300, with an extra $100 to pay it off sooner. With all my other payments, I will still have $100 a month to play with, until August, then it increases to $400 a month extra. I guess I should have added the hubs to my loan app, but, he makes less than me with more debt... he helps pay for food and rent though, so, yeah. That's probably where I screwed up. On paper it looks like I pay all of our $925 rent by myself.

ANYWAYS, my mom cosigned for me. We'll see what happens, they have to get a decision from their underwriters and I should hear back today or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow since it was so late when we got our application in.

I wish I didn't have to rely so much on my parents. I feel bad that mom has to drive all the way up here (one and a half hours for her) just to sign a loan for me. I'm supposed to be an adult.


EDIT:
Read the rest of this rant in my "CarMax - Thoughts" post. My bank just sucks.

Monday Blues

I'm worn out, and stressed out. I don't like not having all my uncertainties, well, as NOT uncertainties and I seem to have filled my life up with them.
Car insurance
Car financing
Car itself
New job?
New insurance?
NEW EVERYTHING?

Oh, and the ONLY utility that has my name on it (needed for financing purposes) has my maiden name on it, and we can't figure out how to change. We keep getting the runaround. *sigh*

I'm also falling back into bad food habits. Had to put my "fat" pants back on today. :( I'm back on track, but it's so easy for me to fall off when my emotional state is in flux. And it's definitely in flux.

I just got a job offer? - short

It's not firm, but I am tempted and I'm conflicted and I just..... I don't know.

Housekeeping

I have to "journal" today for the Spring Challenge. I don't want to. I want to write about cross stitching or something, but have nothing really *new* to say.
I had a really bad day yesterday. I don't want to talk about it.
I am, however, buying a new car. It should be a good experience. I can stop juggling 2 different car dealers, and like 20 insurance places in my inbox. That is REALLY hard for someone with anxiety. (btw, never ask for a quote online from insurance comparison.org. I just wanted to ball park what I could expect, and ended up with multiple insurance places trying to call and email me. progressive is MUCH nicer and only one place.)
Anyways, I love the new car. it's a 2011 Honda Fit Sport with Navigation. It's orange. The Honda Fit is actually a subcompact with as much room for cargo (due to some cleverly designed seating) as the much larger Honda CR-V which is a crossover or small SUV. The back seats fold down completely flat, so the dogs can ride in the back and we can store crates/luggage/anything back there with them. It's not as roomy for people as the CR-V or something like a Nissan Murano or Ford Escape, those can easily fit 3 adults in the backseat. But because they are bigger and heavier they get worse gas mileage. The Fit has all the same features (except not quite as comfortable, especially for multiple people in the backseat, but no worse than a car) but comes with great gas mileage and a tiny parking area. I drive a Ford Taurus sedan, it's so long! And while the trunk IS huge (I can fit a 500 dog crate in there folded up, which not a lot of car trunks can do) I can't extend it for the dogs, and their paws will eventually ruin the cloth seats even though I have a waterproof lining for it. (one of my dogs actually panics and tries to burrow when in the car, so I have to stop him from digging it out of the way. every. single. time.) I'll still try to keep the back of the seats nice, but I really won't worry about it as much as I have to with the Taurus.

Panic Attack

Today I had a panic attack so bad I was honestly in danger of passing out in my husband's car from lack of oxygen. I just couldn't breath and cry and breath at the same time. I've freaked out before, but never like this. Not even when things were really bad. Things are happening and I don't like it.


the end

Locked in

So, I have this thing I do where I lock in on something and I obsess about it until I'm miserable.
Right now, it's a car. Basically I want a very specific car, but the new one is coming out, and they don't have it in stock except for one but they're giving me a GREAT price because they're trying to move inventory, but I need to sell my car and my mom has the title, and I'm on it but it may say AND 'me' not OR 'me' which would me she has to be PRESENT for me to sell the thing, but I don't even know if I can get a good price for the thing, and I feel stuck and................................................. I can't stop trying to figure out ways around it.

I know the fair value for this car, I know the depreciation, I know that my loan will never be under water if I get X amount of trade-in (or down payment). I KNOW EVERYTHING.
And I'm still trying to get more info. I need it all done instantly, not 3 days from now.

More Money into my POS Car

This weekend I spent $80 more on my POS car. A cylinder coil went out, so I was running on 5 cylinders instead of 6 and it was obvious. It has been going out, but probably only noticable to someone who drives the car every single day. Then, while T was driving it it jerked and revved and didn't really shift right then the check engine light came on.
Two different Firestones wouldn't check the code. I've played the game with my car before where I turn it off and the light isn't on when I turn it back on, but there is still something wrong with the damn thing but they can't help me if there are no codes. So, I wanted them to check the codes before turning it off. They didn't have time. -.-  yeah right. So I took it to O'Reilly and they said the third engine coil was going out, or had gone out. They priced the part at $68 and we left. T decided he could replace it and went back and bought it (with a lifetime warranty) for $80. (btw, I'm selling this car in just a few months. His reply was that someone would get to enjoy the warranty, and I asked him how he planned on giving them the receipt. boys). Then he basically unscrewed the old and screwed on the new. Fixed.

I'm going to call Firestone and see how much that would cost if they did it. I'm betting on twice the price. At least $120. I'm not knocking them, but it really made me mad that they wouldn't just pull codes on my car. It takes 5 minutes. They tried to tell me they have to run a full diagnostic blah blah it could take 30 minutes or it could take 3 hours, but O'Reilly did it in 2 minutes. I know they just don't want to pull codes for free for everyone that walks through the door that will then go buy parts at O'Reilly, but if they would have just pulled the damn codes I would have told them to fix it and left my car there! I have spent thousands of dollars at Firestone (JUST IN THE LAST 2 YEARS) but, it doesn't matter because I'm just a number in a computer. *sigh* Now I'm just getting dramatic. Can you tell it really upset me?

Anyways, it was *only* $80 more into my car. Can't wait to get rid of this thing.

Only if I Track it First

Something that helped me today was saying "only if I track it first" in regards to food. I'd planned out my entire day (Thursday is lunch day with the hubby) but someone brought Krispy Kreme donut holes. I wanted some real real bad. Before I let myself go in there, I told myself I could only have them if I counted them. So, instead of feeling immensely guilty I looked it up and found out that 4 donut holes are 6 points. I took 3 for 4 points. I had to dip into my weekly allowance, which I'm trying not to do as much, but it was worth it. Now I'm not sitting in my office obsessing about the donut holes I wanted. I find that if I do that to myself, I end up doing something worse later because I'm mad. (and possibly hangry!)
"I didn't get a donut this morning. I'm getting dessert now" *angry face*

So, next time you're really wanting some food, tell yourself you HAVE to track it first. Then, it may be worth it and it may not be. And track those negative points! I tracked everything I ate for a week even though I wasn't really watching what I ate and was in the negative. Seeing that gave me the bump I needed the next week.

Weigh In Wednesday - Week 9

I really hope I lose. My cousin was here over the weekend and I took off Monday so I wasn't perfect (helloooo 3 cupcakes.) but, I think I did okay. I mostly counted and I don't think I even used all my extra points (okay, maybe the cupcakes). I ate a turkey sandwich at a burger place (I did have fries though) and got a salad the next day for lunch (the BEST salad, but I stuffed myself with said salad even though I knew I shouldn't).

So, I may not be losing 6lbs by the end of Spring Challenge. Oh well. This Challenge has NOT had the desired effect on my motivation. I feel too pressured and start to give up.


Okay. Just got back from weigh in. To refresh your memory:

Week 1: Starting weigh in

Week 2: -.6

Week 3: -3.4

Week 4: -1.0

Week 5: +1.2

Week 6: -1.2

Week 7: 0

Week 8: +1.4

Week 9: -2.6

Total lost = 7.4

I should really stop writing half of these posts BEFORE I weigh in. I LOST 2.6 POUNDS. Now, I need to be careful not to "reward" myself for doing well. Note to self: cupcakes are not a reward for weightloss.

I guess the moral today is - stick to it and don't give up even when you screw it up a little...or a lot.

Short Post

Basically I'm tired, my diet got screwed up (again, my fault but I don't want to talk about it), and I'm having trouble with my stupid stupid credit card.

I took off work yesterday so I'm trying to catch up on all my stuff. It sucks a little bit.

I'll be back tomorrow with Weigh In Wednesday.

Sticking to It (and a car story)

I'm doing well this week. I've only used a couple points of my 49 for my weekly lunch with the hubs. I WILL lose weight this week. I will.

Also, I really suck at blogging. I want to be all honest and real with you, but.... I can't keep on topic for more than 5 seconds. Luckily no one really reads my little blog, so I guess it doesn't matter right now. *sigh* so I'll just bounce around.

We bought a washer and dryer yesterday, but it'll be April 24th before it's delivered. I suck at waiting. It's a simple toploading HE washer and matching dryer with autodry functions. Spent $1035 when all was said and done. I wanted something fancier, but I just couldn't justify a fancy HE with all the electronic features for a couple hundred more right now. We probably could have held out indefinitely with the ancient washer/dryer we have now, but my best friend is moving into her first grown up house and needed a washer/dryer. I knew I'd be upgrading soon so I offered her mine. It kinda stuck me in a bind after my car decided to be a bitch, but I can't mess up someone else's plan so I just sucked it up and figured it out.

I've also got a plan to buy myself a new car in September as a birthday present to myself. My car (Champ) hates me for some reason. He was fantastic (okay, there was this one time that his fuel sensor broke and he was almost impossible to drive because his shifting was so jerky and my mom got really mad because my dad made her bring Champ home 2 and a half hours away doing that. That was only $50 when all was said and done though) then, sometime last year he just....broke. The A/C went out. It was the tail end of summer, so I figured I could hold out and get it fixed before next summer. A day later (an hour and a half away from home) the engine just... stopped. I stopped at a stop sign and it died. I restarted it, and it died, I got it start barely enough to coast into a parking spot downtown where I was. I missed class so I could call a tow truck, had to stay with a friend because I couldn't afford to tow it all the way back home and was told they couldn't even FIND what was wrong with it because the A/C belt was locked up and if they forced it to keep running it would snap the belt.... so fix the A/C for $1200 when that may just be one thing that is wrong with it, or.... be up shit creek. My parents paid for the A/C because I was still in college. Luckily, for whatever reason the A/C was the root of all the problems. I even asked my mechanic if it was my fault. Should I have come in when my A/C stopped working? I just thought I could be hot for awhile and still drive the car. His reply was that he'd never seen that happen. Oooookay. Then Champ was okay for a little bit, then he wouldn't start. I spent 30 minutes in a Kohl's parking lot trying to get him started and drove him straight to my mechanic when he did start. I don't even remember what was wrong with him, but something got replaced. $300. Then I take him in to get the brakes pads changed and an oil change. Oh. My. God. The brake pads have squealed since I bought that damn car. I hate them. They continued to tell me they were fine, just noisy. I was paranoid that I wouldn't hear the actual squeal when they needed to be replaced so I made them check them every time I got the oil changed. I saved up some money and finally just told them to change the damn things because I hate them and don't care if they still have enough surface. Well, they resurface the rotors when they change break pads and there wasn't enough surface anymore from previous resurfacing so they would need to be replaced. $300. Oil change $100 (synthetic oil) I had a hydraulic leak on the back breaks. Apparently this is really bad. I could have complete system failure in a day, or it could work for the next 10 years. Should be replaced NOW. My parents had to step in, again, and pay my $680 bill. And that's not all the shit that was wrong! I knew I needed a new pair of tires $300 but there was at least $500 more of work that needs to be done on this car. I'm so done. Between now and September I'll be changing the oil once and then trading in Champ for whatever he's worth (or not worth as the case probably is) and moving on with a NOT BROKEN CAR.
It's not even fair. I'm so nice to my cars. I drive them a lot, but I get the oil changed regularly. I always put the same oil in there. Any time something feels weird I take him to the mechanic. I get the tires changed regularly. And I get fucked.
My husband gets his oil changed like twice a year with non synthetic oil, has needed new tires for over a year, never takes his car in, and probably needs new brakes and his car just RUNS.
The thing that sucks is this car is supposed to be like, the most reliable runs no matter what car. I've had mechanics tell me if I keep taking care of it the way I do it'll run forever.... I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you Champ, but fuck you.

Weigh In Wednesday - Week 8

I didn't have high hopes for this Weigh In Wednesday. Like I said on Monday, Easter blew my diet and it doesn't help that the Spring Challenge is having the opposite effect on my weight loss than I anticipated. I'm stressed out about not doing well enough that any time I screw up I get really depressed and start eating like shit. It's the worst thing I could do to myself for weight loss, and yet I keep doing it day after day.

So, that's why I didn't think I'd lose any weight from last week when I held steady at -6.2 total lbs.

Week 1: Starting weigh in

Week 2: -.6

Week 3: -3.4

Week 4: -1.0

Week 5: +1.2

Week 6: -1.2

Week 7: 0

Week 8: +1.4

Total lost = 4.8
It's okay. I'll do better next week. I'm going to work REALLY hard. I promise.


Now, a rant about my week.It's been rough. I'm feeling like my master's degree and passing the CPA exam (won't be a CPA until my year of supervision is done) were worth nothing to this company. I'm stuck on the same level in the same job as people with a bachelor's degree.... but I still need the same 3 years of "experience" to get a promotion. Basically until I want to be a controller, my CPA is unnecessary. It's very disheartening, but to make it worse I'm in the ONE department I knew from the get go I didn't want to be in. I'm an audit major for a reason. I don't enjoy tax. Tax makes my head hurt. I'm not naturally good at tax, and even when I'm putting everything I have into it I'm slow and barely at par. Now I'm going to be here for an extra 2 months. I thought I was 2 months away from leaving this department, now I'm only halfway through my stint. 8 months. 8 months in hell where the qualifications are made up and the degrees don't matter......

See what I did there? ha. I need to be more positive or I'm never going to get through this. It's just hard not to want to crawl under my desk and hide from the world. I hate everything, and when I don't I have a hard time feeling anything. I fake smile and interact with people. I try to act like a normal person. I think I get it right, but it takes a lot out of me and there  seems to be no end in sight. I just need an end in sight.

Easter Blew My Diet

I really felt like I did okay, but I didn't track over Easter. I'm now -15 weekly points. Not awful, but I probably can't workout enough by Wednesday to counteract that. *sigh*
BUT I didn't eat ANY chocolate or Easter candy (some strawberry pound cake and key lime pie were my downfall). Small wins.

I'm still hoping for a little weight loss this week. I held at zero last Wednesday but if I want to make my Spring Challenge goal of 6 lbs in 6 weeks, I need to start losing a little over a pound a week.

Okay, short post today. Trying to get caught up from being off on Friday!

Weigh In Wednesday - Week 7

I'm a day late, but I don't weigh in until noon at my weekly meeting, so I forgot.
Anyways, I'm holding steady.

Week 1: Starting weigh in

Week 2: -.6

Week 3: -3.4

Week 4: -1.0

Week 5: +1.2

Week 6: -1.2

Week 7: 0

All in all, I'm happy with that. I splurged more than I should have. Not exactly what I wanted going into Easter weekend, but I'm determined to be good and only splurge with my 49 points. 

Speaking of, it's a holiday tomorrow. We're going all the way to Arkansas. I actually really hate busy weekends. They make the week back feel so much worse. But, it'll be good to see the hubs parents. 

Spring Challenge - Day 1

My goals for today specifically - drink 100 oz of water - log food - journal.
The water thing is going to be the hardest. That's 5.55 of my water bottle. I average about 2 a day. Should have done the math last week and started slowly increasing. And also bought a new bite valve for my camelback. I'm using a knockoff type camelback water bottle, and I HATE not having the bite valve. Oh well. Maybe I'll order a replacement tonight, because I think my camelback is also bigger and so less refills which is psychologically pleasing.

As of noon I've drank an entire bottle of water. This is not looking good.

We also got our team challenges for the first 2 weeks. The first? Attending group classes. I want to go to group classes, but the only one's I can go to are during lunch...which is very stressful for me. I don't want to be sweaty, so I'll have to rinse off after. No big deal, we have showers, but what if there are a ton of people waiting? What if I have to stand around in a towel after? I'm too self conscious to do that. One of these days I'm going to force myself to go, but I'm not ready yet. Next week is better, it's  walking/running/rowing distance. It has to be in or around our gym. Which makes me remember that I forgot to update my ipod. It still has all of 20 songs on it from my wedding. Shoot.

This probably sounds like I'm just going to be complaining about the Spring Challenge the entire time. I hope not, but I have trouble with team sports. (okay, this is not a sport, give me a second). I feel like if I would have just moved faster, hit the ball harder, or in general been better we would have won. So, I stress about everything.

Cross Stitching - Marauder's Map #1

I'm not very far into cross stitching the Marauders Map I purchased a few weeks ago. Most of my time is on the weekends when I also have to get housework done. But I wanted to upload a few pics to show progress.

Here is the cross stitch section I've completed.

Here is the section I've completed (pink highlights are done)

Aaaaand, here it is in the big scheme. 

It'll be around 23 inches tall when I'm done. (you should be able to see bigger pictures if you click on them? I'm not actually sure I need more blogger practice). By far it's the biggest cross stitch I've ever undertaken. But, I wanted to be motivated to do something because I wanted to hang the end result and the smaller ones just weren't doing it for me. This will be an epic Marauder's Map and worthy of being hung in our game room. 

Food and Work

I think I'm going to dip into my weekly Points+ allowance and have Cane's Chicken for lunch. I can be really careful and not touch them, but I think I want to enjoy it a little more than I would being extra careful. I've only had 2 points+ today (I usually have 5 but my recent stomach flu and antibiotics has made me fairly intolerant to milk products, so I can't have my cream cheese english muffin) so if I eat 20 points+ for lunch I could still have 11 for dinner. That's a serving of cheeseburger casserole and a weight watchers ice cream. Not bad. That's for a three finger box at Cane's, water, no extra sauce. (there is some discussion if that's the right points, some go as high as 28 but this seems to have all the right components). But, I really want a pop, and some ketchup, and an extra thing of Cane's. Soooo, that would bring it up to about 28, leaving only 3 for dinner. But I can dip into my weekly and still have about 20 points+ left in my weekly for the weekend. So, I think I'll do that. 

About work.

I work at an oil and gas company. I'm a new accountant (graduated with my masters in December) and all new accountants go through a rotational program where we rotate through the different accounting departments. We are like glorified interns for about a year, year and a half. Currently I'm in tax. I don't like tax. I don't want to be negative about it, all the people are SUUUUUPER nice, but, I love the other side of the equation. The doing journal entries, income statements, etc. I've always felt like tax is just over my head. One of those things I can learn, but it never just clicks. Even when I was in school I had to relate it back to the original journal entries to figure out what was going on. Here..... it's worse. The original journal entries don't make sense, or they don't do it quite "by the book" or there's some consolidation reason that it's in these weird accounts. I sort of hate it. I spent all afternoon yesterday and a couple hours this morning trying to figure out the corrections my boss sent me. I finally understood them (after having him come in and explain, then leave and email me a different explanation) and went to do the NEXT one, and it should match. Different numbers but same concept. Nope. It didn't balance. And every time I checked my work thinking I'd put something on the wrong line for adjustments I came up with the same answer. I HATE when I know I'm wrong but I can't even find my own mistake. I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but handing my boss a packet and knowing it's wrong is just not a good feeling. (for the record, I did tell him it was wrong and I couldn't find it.  Like I said, I'm like an intern. Not to be trusted, so he checks everything and sends back corrections)

My depression is also hard to keep at bay in this rotation. There are a couple different parts of tax and I keep getting shuffled to a new one after about a month. My one and only ally quit and now I keep working with actual managers, not accountant 2's. It's intimidating and I always feel like I'm wasting their time. Then about the time I start to feel like I've got this particular part, I get moved to another one. This is really hard for me. I don't do well with new people, I'm shy and awkward. I act fine at work, but it really stresses me out figuring out how to work with new people. Does this boss want me to struggle for hours before asking a question (I actually had a boss like that once), does this one like complete work sent to them even if it's wrong, or would they rather help you every 5 seconds? I obsess about these things, probably longer than I should, and it makes getting used to new people really hard. 

Okay, enough complaining. I'm hungry and I have to wait another hour before I can eat.

I Dropped a Pant Size!

I knew my current pants were too big, I just wasn't sure if I needed an actual smaller size, or just a different fit in the same size. I was going to go shopping this weekend, but I remembered I had a pair of pants that were about 1.5 sizes smaller than my current (Target fit vs Maurices fit) so I donned some soft body shapers (not the suck you into 2 sizes smaller than you are, just the keep you from jiggling too much type) and they fit really well!

On a  not so great note, I don't think I'm over the stomach flu (dysentery!) I had last week. I missed work last Monday and ended up in the ER after the urgent care told me I needed tests back today and they couldn't help me. The ER doctor ran some tests and mashed around on my stomach and told me I had gastroenteritis in my colon. He put me on meds and sent me home with a sheet telling me what to do to get better. The first thing? Rest at home for a few days. Did I do that? Of course not. I was never vomiting or I would have. But now it's come to bite me in the butt. I barely made it through that week, then of course I decided to power through the weekend as well doing chores and whatnot. Now it's Thursday and every day this week I've gone home and gone straight to bed. I'm so exhausted. Usually in the morning I'm at least okay, but by about 1:00 I'm just waiting for 4:00 so I can go home. Today, I'm not even okay in the morning. I need a 24 hour nap. I need my A game back.

Weigh In Wednesday - Week 6

It's week 6 of Weight Watchers for me. I've been (mostly) steadily losing weight. It's felt really good, but I know half of it is getting off the Zoloft. Within a week of switching my meds I stopped craving carbs so bad I would talk myself into ANYTHING (6 doughnuts, whatever. You'll feel better when you eat them even if you feel guilty later). I have pretty good self control, but for about a year that all went down the drain. I gained 60lbs and things sucked for awhile. Now I have a new doctor and different meds. Getting my mental health/medications under control has really helped me, and Weight Watchers is a great support group.

Anyways, here is my weight loss starting from week 1.

• Week 1: Starting weigh in
• Week 2: -.6
• Week 3: -3.4
• Week 4: -1.0
• Week 5: +1.2
• Week 6: -1.2

So, I lost what I gained in week 5. I'll take that (I was sooooo sick in week 5 I didn't count a thing all week, and ate pizza a lot). 

Spring Challenge

Well, Monday starts our Spring Challenge at work. We are put onto 3 teams and choose 6 goals out of a list of about 30. I chose to workout 5 days a week, lose 6lbs, 10 minutes of meditation for 3 days/week, log all food for 4 weeks, drink 100 oz of water/day, and lastly - journaling 3 days a week.

I don't know why I chose journaling. Scratch that, I know exactly why I picked journaling, I'm just kicking myself for it now. I want to run a semi successful blog. I've even started at least 3 blogs (crafting, beauty, and refashioning clothes), and didn't do anything with them. I tried, I really did. I just get stuck in my own head trying to figure out if I should cuss, how much personal info to reveal, and generally trying to figure out what the heck I should talk about.... I like focused blogs, but I don't have a focused mind. I craft, I cross stitch, I ride horses, I play online video games(hence the NuggetIRL), I train dogs, and I work 40 hours a week. However, other than the working 40 hours a week I don't really do anything consistently. In the end, I just stop doing whatever it was I started the blog for and don't swing back around for awhile.

Sooo, I guess here's my life blog, at least for the next six weeks. (I really want our team to win this challenge!)

I hope someone enjoys it.